MS-Paint Theater Presents
It was early on a chilly Milwaukee morning as I walked to the parking lot outside my apartment. The cold pierced through me and I shivered in spite of my thick coat, gloves, and hat.
Fearing for bad weather, I'd left early for work and so it was still dark. The previous evening brought curious climate changes. It had been unseasonably warm for many weeks, then from out of nowhere came a large snowfall which immediately began to melt upon groundfall, leaving slush and sleet all over. During the night, the winter cold returned with a vengeance, freezing the melted remnants and covering the city in a solid sheet of ice.
I approached my car, prepared to spend the next several minutes scraping frost from my windows. I was immediately pleased to find very little accumulation on my windshield, or anywhere else for that matter, and thought I might for once depart with minimal difficulty. I congratulated myself on my good luck and walked to the passenger side door to deposit my things.
That's when I realized what had happened…
The car was frozen shut. No ice was visible on its surface or in the lock, but the door was stuck fast to the car. Letting loose a sigh of resignation, I walked around to the driver's side. I keyed the lock and gave the handle a quick tug. I heard the low groan of straining metal-on-ice, but the door stubbornly refused to open. Apparently, all that melted ice had trickled its way down into the cracks and crevices around the doors and sealed them up tight as the temperature plummeted once again during the night.
This was not good.
I immediately began to despair for my chances of getting to work on time. Quickly dispelling those thoughts, I busied myself trying to kick the icy doors loose, wiggling the keys in the locks, and tearing hard as I could at the door handles. I pulled so hard that I heard creaking and crackling. The plastic handles were clearly near the breaking point and so I was forced to halt my efforts. Panic began to set in. It would be hours before the sun might warm the car enough to allow entry. I paced back and forth, suddenly unaffected by the cold, racking my brain.
I was just about to do something drastic when an idea struck.
Another moment and I might have gone ahead and broken a window, but fortunately it occurred to me that there might be another way in. I silently crossed my fingers and hoped against hope that the trunk would be accessible. I slowly gave the key a twist and was surprised to hear the pop of the lock. The trunk opened with little resistance. I peered into its dark depths for a moment as the sun began peeking out behind me. Initially, I thought I might have to break down the back seat to gain entry, but then I saw the small switch that unlocks the folding mechanism. I hurriedly pushed one side of the seat forward, leaving a very small opening into the back of the car.
Diving into the trunk, I wriggled and squirmed my way through the tight crawlspace.
Once I'd made my way into the driver's seat, I pulled the handle and threw a shoulder hard into the door. It opened with an audible crunch as the ice gave way under pressure. Within seconds I was busy scraping away the light frost blocking the windows and mere moments later my vehicle emerged triumphant onto the street.
Chilled to the bone and breathing heavy, I blasted down the now bustling streets. I was late, but I'd make it soon enough. The sun was rising higher now and I dreamed of summertime in another place. Someplace far from here…
…Where winter are not bring teh big suck…
